Tag: books

I Want Francis Bacon To Draw Me

A writer I admire posted my poem, I WANT FRANCIS BACON TO DRAW ME, a few months ago, and it did not sit well with a few internet commenters. I have voiced in different settings I do not expect all of my poems to be welcomed. They are not sweet. I have a point of view. I have been waiting for someone to be offended. This was exciting to see even a handful of people argue. I tell people to not read the comments, but I fail to take my own advice. Art should be discussed. I can’t find an exact quote, but I think often about how one of the hardest things as an artist is to be ignored.

To me, that poem is nasty, from my personal promising young woman era (read: revenge). A few folks dismissed the poem in the comments. These ideas that a young woman cannot go outside without her body commented on are part of the bigger picture of safety & control. Then, you have Francis Bacon, an artist that absolutely blew my young mind when I saw an exhibit of his work at The Met in 2009, who has captivated me ever since. The atrocities of war, the turmoil of being queer in that era – he captured the bleakness in a way I had never seen before. He is often on my mind as I push what I am willing to write. Bacon was not addressing chronic illness, but his portraits characterize the pain & turmoil of endometriosis better than anything else I have seen (including the barbed-wire around the abdomen portraits).

The poem is tucked on page seventy-one of my book. I often perform the “funnier” poems at events, but there is a lot of unbridled rage in the book. I have read a few live, like YOU DIDN’T CHOOSE / YOU DIDN’T CHOOSE / YOU. Bmore Art chose to publish it in their fall 2024 issue, so I’ve read it a few times because I wanted to do that selection justice. But otherwise, the poems that I do not employ humor in are too painful to read out loud. As the artist, I can self-select the performance in public you see.

I joke that my book is for 18-24 year old femmes. But that’s not really a joke. I am deadly serious about the importance of the opinions of young people, as serious as I am about not snuffing someone’s creative spark. As I continue to grabble with the difference between what exists in a book & what is performed at an event, I hope you continue to engage with art from the creative people around you. It’s what makes us human.

Soooooooo you can see for yourself & form your own opinions – EMOTION INDUSTRY officially released from Barrelhouse Books on October 15, 2024. You can purchase a copy HERE. I linked to the Bookshop page because they support Indie Bookstores. I also highly encourage you to ask your favorite local bookstore to order it. Local bookstores always have the best individualized recommendations, and when you order from them, it also puts my book in front of a new set of eyes. Thank you!

Books I’m thinking about / recently read:

  • Television Fathers by Sylvia Jones
  • It All Felt Impossible by Tom McAllister

Stay sweaty and glittery. None of us are free until all of us are free.

Here we go again

I’ve done a much better job using Instagram to update how book release has gone. But here I am, sitting in a trail parking lot again, with some time to think about the last two months.

EMOTION INDUSTRY officially released from Barrelhouse Books on October 15, 2024. You can purchase a copy HERE. I linked to the Bookshop page because they support Indie Bookstores. I also highly encourage you to ask your favorite local bookstore to order it. Local bookstores always have the best individualized recommendations, and when you order from them, it also puts my book in front of a new set of eyes. Thank you!

I’ll write about some highlights.

Performing with Amanda McCormick again! Our last performance together was probably in 2018. We have a special creative energy that we fell back into as we worked on our script.

Speaking to Writers in Baltimore Schools students as part of my reading with Tanya Olson at the University of Baltimore. First of all, they all knew Lisa Frank via meme culture, so the cheerful nihilism poem in my collection, REAL LIFE LISA FRANK, landed with them. Then, after the official reading, one of the students came with another question. They asked how I stay positive as a queer person in the world. I nearly cried in that moment. This was a few weeks before the election, but anti-trans rhetoric had already been ratcheting up for months. The pain within queer communities is deep, but we are also so resilient. All of this went through my mind in the split second before I answered. I told them that queerness also means possibility to me. That we’ve already had to build our own community support, and although times are tough right now, I know that we as a community can see how things can be better.

A poem in the latest issue of Bmore Art. The issue should be hitting mailboxes now, and it is available locally at the Ivy Bookshop, Greedy Reads, Atomic Books, and good neighbor. I originally pitched an interview, then the team asked to include YOU DIDN’T CHOOSE / YOU DIDN’T CHOOSE / YOU. I sort of buried that poem, and a few others like it, in the manuscript. It is plain-spoken rage. I hadn’t read it publicly either, so I did read it for the first time at Milkhouse in Frederick a few days ago. The energy in the room shifted as I was being real.

Support from coworkers. I’ve lost count how many people at my 8:30am-5pm have bought my book. That’s more terrifying to me than anything else – I have a certain persona there, and I don’t let my darkness peak out to many people. Folks seem to like it though! Which is something I’m looking to do with the book: be a space where people realize that these systems don’t work for them, and we can do something better. There I go again with queer possibility.

Whew! I am tired. That’s a lot to have happening personally on top of, ya know, politics now. We continue to live through unprecedented times, but this is not new, & in these cycles, we often build community & find new ways to push for better. I’m not being naïve. Though I do deeply believe that the most naïve though is that war can bring peace. We are in a time where we can come together to fight like hell for something that works for the majority of us across demographics. Don’t forget that. We got most of our labor reforms (that could use some updates) out of the chaos of the 1890s.

Books I’m thinking about / recently read:

  • No More Flowers by Stephanie Cawley
  • Tea Leaves by Jacob Budenz

Stay sweaty and glittery. None of us are free until all of us are free.

Feel Good Story Of The Year

I thought I’d have this done sooner, but life, then illness and moving, slowed me down. So! Here’s a little recap of 2023 through some superlatives, as I think about being worse in 2024. You read that correctly. At the end of last year, I read a meme that said, “I’m gonna be worse.” I read it as leaning into yourself, embracing your idiosyncrasies. Where I want to be.

I Will Endure Paperwork To Travel

I hate paperwork. I get anxiety any time I think about filing my taxes, which happens to be daily as TurboTax harasses my email account. Getting my passport updated was a comedy of errors as I got ready to visit friends in Estonia. I could not find a CVS nearby that had a working photo printer, I’d go to a Post Office and their internet would be down…finally, I had my updated passport in hand so I could leave the country for the first time. I faced the anxiety of traveling alone (with a connecting flight in Amsterdam!) head on. Or at least, I decided to just do it. I’m so glad my friends opened their place to me so I could explore such a unique place. Estonia has seen so much change, yet preserved its history.

Best Worst Race Description

Eagleton Trail Challenge was described as “runnable.” No. I would still recommend the race for the beauty of the terrain changes and fun aide stations. At almost 6,000 feet of vert, almost two miles crisscrossing mossy rocks over a stream, a final climb at mile 29 so steep that a rope was along the trail to assist your climb, I spent around half the race walking. Another Faster Bastard and I happened to be signed up for our first 50ks, so we spent the almost 9 hours together. I could not have done it without her.

Most Colorful Day: Flower Mart

Sure, the spring equinox is in March, but have you ever gone to the Flower Mart in Mount Vernon? Usually the first weekend in May, the sun emerges from gray April wind and rain. I had a lemon squeeze with a good friend and her family, we bought herbs for our gardens—a pastoral kind of day in the middle of Baltimore.

Favorite Song To Repeat Over And Over

According to Spotify, I listened to “Worms” by Ashnikko 218 times. That doesn’t include the countless hours I was on trails, headphone-less, chanting in my head play my life like a video game / I don’t mind I’m driving through flames. Find me a better song for trotting along that sees the humor in futility! Check out all of Ashnikko’s music for her humor, spite, but also, vulnerability. Her creative persona is not afraid to feel deeply.

Most Out-Of-Body While Performing Experience

In September, I read as part of a fundraiser for The Lights Went Out Because There Was a Problem. I read a selection of older work. My soul left my body as I read. The words did turn blue in my mouth—they didn’t feel like me. Writing this four months later, I have been exploring new ways to conceptualize older work. I still love the poems, but I am not the same artist. How good to grow!

Realization Of The Year

My health wasn’t the focus for others. I was able to be there for people I love who had their own health-scare moments. As I continue to sit in a liminal space between healthy and sick (I can run ultramarathons! I catch viruses at the drop of a hat! Why won’t my thyroid relax?!), I felt relief to not be the focus.

Favorite Decision Of The Year

Buying a house outside of Gettysburg with my love!! Some things I want to hold close to the chest. I am grateful for our life.

Books I’m thinking about / recently read:

  • Places I’ve Taken My Body: Essays by Molly McCully Brown
  • Nice Nose by Buck Downs
  • Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl by Carrie Brownstein

Stay sweaty and glittery. Black Lives Matter.

Welcome

Welcome to #poetsthatsweat.

On this blog, I’m bringing together my two loves: language and movement. I started using the hashtag, #poetsthatsweat, facetiously a few years ago to get over my embarrassment of being a jock and artist. I’m no longer concerned about being embarrassed.

I’ve also spent a long time pretending to be fine. Since officially diagnosed with stage IV endometriosis in April 2018 (after over a decade of pain, more in a later post), I’ve been looking for ways to express joy. Casual clothes, hard work, and coffee fuel me, but I’ve had to be more strategic if I’m being honest about the chronic fatigue that comes with endometriosis. I’m always thinking about how I will feel in the coming days, trying to ration my energy while still participating in things I love.

On this blog you’ll find my thoughts on running, circus arts (find a solo of me losing myself in a Kesha song here), writing, and reading in the context of health. All things that lead to joy in some way. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, right?

Most recent reading pleasure: I finished Station Eleven yesterday morning. What an intricate, masterfully written book. Emily St. John Mandel weaves multiple lives together in a society nearly decimated by the Georgia Flu. As you read, you find out how Station Eleven has touched each character. The world is so big, yet so small in the energies of lives that bind us. This line stuck with me:

“If nothing else, it’s pleasant to consider the possibility.”

I want possibilities to look better for future generations of women, womyn. Treatment in the healthcare system is a piece of equal opportunity. Endometriosis hasn’t been studied on a broad scale, only recently receiving major funding.  Medicine’s history is full of patriarchal treatment. I can look back at the rage in my poetry and say “I see why you feel that way.” I am not the first to say this either. Read Dora Malech’s The Kenyon Review blog post CLIFTON, PAIN, AND POETRY. There is finally federal funding to research endometriosis, which will hopefully mean something.

For now, here are some quick resources that have helped me:

Thanks for reading. Stay sweaty and glittery.